A Beginning?

Well, well. Things have been interesting these past few days.

First thing’s first: This Tuesday, I will be a resident at a treatment centre in Melbourne. To say I’m scared is an understatement. To say I want to go would be a lie. To say I’m ready to give up ED and recover is the absolute last words I would utter. 

I am stressed beyond belief. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be thinking. I have no idea what to expect and that’s what kills me most. Especially about food.

Also, I don’t have internet access there, except on my phone. So blogging is out of the question. Facebook will be used only on my phone, and infrequently, as with emails. So please, if you want to email me, do so! I would love some support or words of kindness once in a blue moon. 

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But on to other things. Something, dare I say it, cheery. Cheery isn’t an emotion I would equate with myself, not in the last few months. I’ve been anything but. I’ve been in a shell. But today, on the first of June (which is actually quite symbolic), I had a smile on my face.

Today, I got my first ever tattoos.
And yes, I did say tattoos. 

The key is actually a replica of a key that my Mum gave me as a present. It represents new beginnings. But it also means that I possess a key to unlock all doors, all locks and barriers that ever get in my way.

The locket, I don’t know. It means a lot. Secrets, but also openness. I have the ability to open it and share myself whenever I want. Control, I suppose. Control of my heart, myself – a safe control.

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I’m still all over the place.
I can only see how things go. Enter this new stage of my life, this new door, with an open heart.