153 posts in and all I seem to ever do is complain. But hell, this is my blog and I can do what I like, am-I-right?
So, binging and purging has been a big thing for me in the past, and the very recent past.
How does one stop binging?
I am really concerned about it, because I don't want to gain weight. I also am extremely concerned about the health concern side of it, too. What it can possibly to do me scares the living hell out of me, as well as disgusts me. I hate that I do it, I hate how it makes me feel, I hate eating so much, and so much of the bad things that I'd otherwise be petrified of. But when I'm in that state of mind, I don't care what I eat. In my normal, every day mind, there is no way I would eat a cupcake or a biscuit. So why am I doing it?
While I do mostly binge on "healthy" food, such as nuts, dried fruit and cereal, I still hate it.
Why do I do it?
What makes me do it?
What can I possibly do to get a hold on it?
I've made myself a New Year's Resolution to get a hold on this side of my disorder. While I'm trying, I'm still "failing". I want to be normal. I just... I want to be normal. I don't like this at all - in fact, I hate it.
Please, anyone that has any advice, I'd love to hear it. I really would appreciate it. I need to get rid of this side of my disorder, because it disgusts me beyond belief.
Thank you for listening to my moaning and groaning. I wish I could speak of happy things but right now, I'm not happy, and I want to change that.
So, binging and purging has been a big thing for me in the past, and the very recent past.
How does one stop binging?
I am really concerned about it, because I don't want to gain weight. I also am extremely concerned about the health concern side of it, too. What it can possibly to do me scares the living hell out of me, as well as disgusts me. I hate that I do it, I hate how it makes me feel, I hate eating so much, and so much of the bad things that I'd otherwise be petrified of. But when I'm in that state of mind, I don't care what I eat. In my normal, every day mind, there is no way I would eat a cupcake or a biscuit. So why am I doing it?
While I do mostly binge on "healthy" food, such as nuts, dried fruit and cereal, I still hate it.
Why do I do it?
What makes me do it?
What can I possibly do to get a hold on it?
I've made myself a New Year's Resolution to get a hold on this side of my disorder. While I'm trying, I'm still "failing". I want to be normal. I just... I want to be normal. I don't like this at all - in fact, I hate it.
Please, anyone that has any advice, I'd love to hear it. I really would appreciate it. I need to get rid of this side of my disorder, because it disgusts me beyond belief.
Thank you for listening to my moaning and groaning. I wish I could speak of happy things but right now, I'm not happy, and I want to change that.
Thank you.
9 comments:
I can so sympathize with this! I am struggling with binge behaviors these past few months as well and they are completely stressing me out. For me I've noticed that binging is SO filled with guilt because ed tells me that restricting makes me "strong" while eating makes me "weak." So anytime I over eat the guilt feels two times as intense and overwhelming. I think that's why the purging has to follow because I can't just sit with the knowledge that I binged after the fact...I have to do something to fix it.
I might be wrong but from this post it sounds like maybe you view restricting vs. binging with a similar good vs. bad mentality? Maybe it would help to decrease the binging behaviors if you were able to see them as simply another form of restriction. A behavior is a behavior is a behavior! When you binge you're seeking some emotional fulfillment; a meeting of needs that are not being met in other areas of your life which is similar if not the same as what you are seeking when you restrict. The only difference is the behaviors you do.
I had a big binge earlier this week on sweets. I allowed it to screw up my meal plan for days afterwards and today has been the first day that I have tried to get back on track with my meal plan. I'm finding that having eaten more regularly throughout the day today is lessening the urges to binge on chocolate again tonight (I typically only binge at night in bed 0_o). Your body might simply be telling you how deprived it still feels, even after you were in hospital. Listening to it's needs throughout the day rather than starving and then binging to make up for what you've missed all day might help you to feel less deprived and reduce the urges you're having. I know, it's so much easier said than done.
Don't give up on recovery and most definitely not on YOURSELF because of these set backs, Eleanor. You are stronger than you realize. Every single day that you wake up and decide to try again you show your strength and courage. This process takes time...so so sooo much time and patience! My hope for you is that you can be kind to yourself even when it feels like the LEAST desirable thing to do. You deserve to be treated well, girl. Things can and WILL get better as long as you stay in the fight. I believe in you! :)
I could have wrote this post. And i sure wish i had the answer! I know i hate it. Hate doing it, dont wanna gain from it, hate how i feel after it. Yet when im in that frame of mind.. nothing else matters.
Why do I do it?
What makes me do it?
you're still underweight and you're hungry. i know you don't want to gain but stopping binge/purging is going to be 100 times more difficult when your body is starving. the only thing that ever helped me was eating (i.e. keeping down) enough and accepting some weight gain as horrifying as it is.
+1 to above!
I can't say that I exactly know why you are binging hun. But I do know that I always feel the need or do eat a lot at once when I have racked up a pretty solid calorie deficit, when I am not eating enough. My body is hungry!
Body's have an amazing way of balancing themselves out. Eat up sweetheart! You need it! Our body's want to be healthy and if binging is how it will get there, it will do it. From my personal experience my advice is REALLY try to eat more (alot more!) during the day regularly and the need to binge will decrease. It's uncomfortable but it is worth it.
I would agree that it has a lot to do with being underweight, but it is really hard to say for certain.
The important thing though? Don't be too hard on yourself. You are fighting the huge battle of recovery, there are hiccups. I know you can do this <3
Scott
While I did binge during my first year of college... I don't quite remember how I stopped doing it... I think joining the military (I was in for a hot minute) sort of forced regulated eating on me... and that sort of leveled it out... and then turned into other behaviors...
You're probably thinking, "you're so UNhelpful right now," but I can tell you what's worked for me with other behaviors... and what I know has worked/helped (you're obviously the one doing the hard work!) people I've been in treatment with...
pre-packaged meals. structured eating. regulated eating.. and self compassion. ESPECIALLY self compassion... Realizing that every day won't be perfect, but that each day is a new chance.
And I know I've said it a couple of times now, but regulated eating... that's the other huge part. I think the reason why I don't binge - even though I have restriction issues - is because I allow myself to eat any kind of food I want. I also eat in a schedule of sorts... I actually use that recovery app on my iPhone to remind myself to eat at certain times...
you can do this.
I understand your struggles, though my binges were not on healthy food. I was so scared for so long about gaining weight. After years of struggling, a year ago I completely gave myself over to so-called experts in my city and trusted them to help me. I finally found the right nutritionist a few months ago. The increase in how much I was to eat was so scary that I binged and purged nearly every day for two weeks out of stress and frustration at failing to stick to a meal plan. And this caused me to gain weight, as the purging was not enough.
It's been a few months now, and I can't remember my last true binge. Everyone says I look better, even those that didn't know anything was wrong. I have also reduced the amount of medicine I am on as eating healthier has helped with my depression and anxiety. It's amazing how nutritious eating can change a person. And since I stopped binging and steadily stuck to my meal plan, eating more than I dreamed of, I have not gained weight -- I have been stable. Which is good for me as I never was underweight so I don't need to gain more :)
You really have to give yourself over to healthy eating and try to not focus on your weight. I don't weigh myself and my nutritionist doesn't tell me my weight, just if I am staying in my 3-4 lb range. It takes trust, and that's the most important part, I think.
I've been in the same boat as you for the longest time. I don't eat that much but what I do is all junk food so I feel like I'm binging. I can't get myself to purge so I feel even worse about what I've eaten on top of that. All I am really capable of is staving and exersizing, for which I have fallen behind on drastically.
Just remember to get a good nights rest, wake up tomorrow morning and say to yourself "Today I will not binge and try your best not too. Even if that means cleaning the house or doing something that you don't like just to stay out of the kitchen, do it.
Take care of yourself ♥
http://www.gwynetholwyn.com/blog/2011/9/14/why-is-bingeing-not-bingeing-when-you-are-recovering-from-re.html
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