The thoughts in my head still don't quite make sense, my actions still aren't quite normal, but slowly, I am starting to find a balance between disorder and life. Living hasn't been a big part of my existance for a long time; it's been on the back burner, sitting quiet while my ED ran rampant. But now, things are slightly different. I still give in to the thoughts, but not to the extent at which I used to.
I think I have found happiness. At least, contentment. I am surrounding myself around people I love, who accept me for who I am and not what I am. I feel loved, I feel cared for, I feel appreciated.
Things may not be perfect but they're getting better. I haven't felt like this in such a long time. I don't want to lose it, and I'm going to do whatever I can to ensure I keep it safe and sacred.
Slowly but surely, things are falling into place. That's not to say I'm not depressed, because I have some very low lows. But at the same time, distractions have helped me to separate myself from my Eating Disorder.
I'm excited for my future now, whereas before I feared it.
I'm embracing life.
8 comments:
you write so beautifully. it seems like whatever i am thinking or feeling, you are able to write down in words. you are eloquent and graceful in your writing. you are living proof recovery is possible
We knew you could do it! We have faith in you. It's marvellous. Love and hugs <3
It's important to surround yourself with people who accept you the way you are. The only way to recover is to be free from the pressure to be better in order to please other people. Once your own happiness is your main concern, things will inevitably get better. Keep it going!
Eleanor,
I just wanted to drop in and let you know I am thinking of you always. I hope you're still finding this sense of peace -- the clarity and realization that things are falling into place. You deserve that. I am excited for your future too :). It is so bright. Wonderful people like you don't come around too often, you have so much to offer this world. Keep fighting and remember that you always have a friend <3
Keep fighting the good fight. There is a way out.
A.
www.wildheartcity.wordpress.com
I experienced this same feeling of awareness, presence, and gratitude today also. It is overwhelmingly nice to realize that 100% of our brains. It's so hopeful!
Keep up the good work, girl. It's a tough struggle, but we gotta fight,
Are you still around?
/Avy
http://mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com
♥
I hope you are doing well my dear :)
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