Tomorrow I leave my house, my family, my town; three whole weeks away from everything I need an escape from.
I'm scared. Terrified.
But I'm ready, too. I'm ready for change, ready for a new way of life, ready for freedom.
I am ready to find myself, whoever that may be. And I think I might be ready to embrace that person.
I am ready to find myself, whoever that may be. And I think I might be ready to embrace that person.
I've steadily gained weight over the past few weeks, and have gotten to a point where I can maintain. I realise that it would be so easy to lose weight while away. But that is not the idea. The idea of my mini-holiday is for me to overcome my fear of weight, numbers, food. That is what I plan on doing, and I will put my absolute all into everything I do.
I want freedom.
I want independence.
I want a life.
I want independence.
I want a life.
With effort, persistence, perseverance and a lot of courage, I will get what I want.
19 comments:
hey girl!
i know i'm slacking with the comments of late, but i always read your blog when it pops up on my newsfeed, no matter what. it's been a long road, but you continue to impress me each and every time you post with your strength and determination. i know gaining is scary as shit, but there comes a point where it's gratifying. keep going girl, you know what's ahead of you and it's going to be great :)
good luck away from the fam! embrace it ;)
♥ lindsey
So proud of you Eleanor!
Have a fabulous time on your trip :)
Eleanor, I am so proud of you.
It sounds like you are in a very good place right now, both mentally and physically. I can't wait for you to embark on this journey... because you are so ready to embrace the beautiful girl that you truly are.
I am always thinking of you, lately even more so, and to know that you are on your way to a new beginning fills my heart with joy.
Love you :)
Oh, Eleanor - I am so proud of you. Proud, excited and confident that you'll benefit from this experience.
Away from those you have the strongest emotional ties to will hopefully enable you to focus even more on your own needs, and as you say : learn to get to know yourself.
There is not a doubt in my mind and heart that the person you'll get to know is beautiful - yes, absolutely wonderful. Filled with desires, hopes and dreams - that is you.
My excitement actually leaves me rather speachless at the moment, but know that I'm thinking about you every single day.
Love you - you are an inspiration and a beautiful human being.
<3
:) that's wonderful! I can imagine that'd be so scary. I've never had an eating disorder but have had very, very bad anxiety and I know how terrifying it can be to be out of your comfort zone. Not that I know how you feel, but can empathize.
Anyway, good luck and have fun :) You should be so, so proud of yourself :) you are so strong!
I'm so so so so proud of you, and I know you can do it! You will have freedom and independence because you're gaining health - and all of those things together will give you the life you want.
Sending you lots and lots and lots of love and strength!
you are a rock star. you can do this. you are worth it.
thinking of youuuuuu!
These words put such hope in me. I know you can do it.
xoxo
Have a great time, you seem to be making great progress, keep your head held high and stay strong! Xx
eleanor! i'm so proud of you! and so excited for you too! maybe this vacation will be what you need to remind yourself of why you are doing this, what life you want, what freedom you are working towards. you are sucha beautiful person, i know you can do this. GO YOU! you're a rockstar, by the way.
there i always light at the end of the tunnel :)
So proud of you Eleanor!! I'm glad both physically and mentally you're in a healthier place. I hope this trip provides you with the relief you deserve from drama at home and allows you to simply focus on YOU.
You're right, it would be easy to use this trip as en excuse to fall backwards...but YOU don't want that! Enjoy your vacation and make sure ed doesn't enjoy it : ).
You're amazing!
Sarah
Yess!!! Go, Eleanor! You rock. :)
I'm so proud of you and this will be exactly what you need. While doing something out of the norm can be hazardous when dealing with ED, I also believe that taking a trip like this can be SO beneficial if you just keep your guard up.
You are beautiful.. now go and tackle life.
That is so, so great! :) Good luck and have fun! You are beautiful!
I am riding the same gain train. A huge challenge. Overcoming fears and false body images. Let's believe we can do it. Yes we can! Hugs sweetie!
I wish you all the best of luck. This is your opportunity to seize life by the hands, and with that you will gain your freedom and independence. You can do this, you have so many people supporting you.
Love xxx
You can do this!!! This is a great chance to get away. You've always got us if you need anything . xoxo
btw- could you email me your email so I can send you an invite to read my blog ( i made it private ) guo791999@gmail.com . I'd like to keep in contact :)
<3
-Lisa
The only hurdle to our success is ourselves. It took me forever to realize this. You can do this and you can be that strong, healthy woman you want to be! Stay strong, stay confident, and always remember You Are Beautiful and perfect in your own way :)
Jackie-I appreciate your openness and honesty! I love reading your posts
http://suckitorloveit.wordpress.com/
Your strength and determination is very admiral. Don't give up and never stop fighting for your right to live and enjoy life.
Good luck my dear, I send good wishes and love with you <3
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