I have been accepted.
The hospital is now my home for the coming weeks.
Am I happy about this?
To a degree, yes I am happy.
I'm in a safe place, where I can gain weight in a controlled environment. I don't have a choice here. What's put in front of me, I eat, no questions asked. No ifs or buts about it.
I have to realize that it's the eating disorder that is scared. It's the eating disorder that fears the coming weight gain. It's the eating disorder who hates the food.
I'm here because I need to be here.
I'm here because this is the
best place for me to be.
I'm here, but
I won't always be here.
This is another step towards recovery. Another step away from the dark place I don't deserve to be in.
I have to accept that this is what I need. This is the only way that I will move forward in my life.
I need to accept that this is just the means to an end. I will not always be in hospital.
I need to accept the help that's been offered and provided, and be thankful of and grateful for it.
I need to accept that things need to change.
Things need to change in order for me to live the happy, healthy life I do deserve to live.
Thank you all so much, for your support and your love.
I don't know where I'd be without you all; you've given me a direction, you've given me strength, you've given me
hope.
And I have accepted that.
love, love, love.
17 comments:
Oh my lovely Eleanor.
I am so, so proud of you. You deserve all the love and support. I have so much faith in you. Your willingness to accept that things do need to change shows how much you want to be free of this.
You are so strong, incredible and inspirational in my eyes.
You can get through this.. I believe in you just like you have believed in me.
So much love x
Eleanor,
I am so glad to hear you have been accepted and will now be getting the help you both need and deserve. All the best, you can beat this ED. We're all here supporting you :)
Take care,
Cassie
Eleanor!
I am so SO happy and proud of you. You must have been so nervous and scared at that appointment.. but you came out shining brightly :) The next few weeks is going to be so good for you, and I know I will be able to sleep a little easier knowing that you are in good hands.
I love your attitude - accepting of help.. of love.. of life. You can do this! You're a superstar :)
<3 Tat
El! (cant I call you that?hehe)
I'm so happy for you, it makes me smile how much you want to get better. I know how hard it is. Weight gain is tough, eating is tough. I think your going to have a semi smooth ride though because you want it so badly. You will get better, I know it. You are an awesome girl & im so happy to have met you threw the blogging world. let me know if you ever need anything!
Dana xo
http://happinessiswithin.wordpress.com/
Good Luck Eleanor! You're doing the right thing. Only good can come out of this experience. I am SOOOO proud of you for taking this step. You CAN do this! "Everything Will Be Okay in the End. If It's Not Okay, It's Not the End." Stay Strong! Love you! Sending love and positive thoughts your way!
xoxo
Megan =)
you are so strong, and so wise, and so inspiring. i can't really put it into words, but if i were there with you now i would give you a soft hug that would never let go. you are an incredible girl and too wonderful to be lost.
You have a wonderful outlook on this whole situation, love. Accept recovery and embrace it because, while difficult at first, it's completely worth it in the end. It's hard to imagine a life without ED, but you will get there, and once you're there, it'll be hard to imagine ever going back to the place of darkness you find yourself in now.
Stay strong, hun, because I know you have it in you. Good luck in the hospital, and I'll be thinking of you and sending you lots of good vibes and love!
Eleanor,
For many months my thoughts and prayers have gone out to you, and many other women I have met through this wonderful device known as the internet.
Today, you represent all the things I hoped for. strength, growth, power, love-- You are all those things. And now, you are venturing out into the unknown.
And you are going to be great.
Colleen
i become more proud of you with each passing day. you are a shining star eleanor, and you are amazing. good luck with the program -- i have no doubts that you will do great and come up with so much knowledge and strength. we will all be here waiting for you!!
i love you so much.
xx
becca
I am so proud of you!!!!!!!! You have such a positive attitude and I know you can beat this. You deserve to have the best life you can have and this hospital stay will certainly help. Things may get scary at times, but just surrender your control for a little while and trust that you are doing what is right...because you are!
Thinking of you,
Annie
" I need to accept that things need to change. "
This Eleanor, this is the attitude that will carry you back to life. You have to make many changes in your life. At the moment they are unknown, except for one thing : they will have a very positive impact on your life and health.
I have more faith in you that I can express in words. There are so intense feelings activated when thinking of you, so much hope.
You are right. Your stay at the hospital is not permanent. Your stay at the hospital will, on the other hand, teach you valuable lessons that can help you when you return home.
This is an opportunity. This is a chance to make changes. You have the courage needed to make those changes. You have the attitude needed to make the most of this stay.
I am thinking of you. I wish I was there in your fear for what is to happen in this period. You are in my heart when you turn off the light at the room at night, and feel alone with your thoughts.
I am with you. Allways.
Good luck hun, you so can do this. I know you can. It won't be easy and you will struggle but through the struggle, you will learn to love your body again. Be safe and look forward to updates, if you can give them.
*hugs*
Sarah
Like everyone else, I am so proud of you for truly embracing this opportunity, and I'm so glad you've got a place finally. I have a good feeling about this, for you and for your recovery. It's time to show this ED who is boss, it's time to kick ass and get Eleanor her life back.
This is a stepping stone to a more beautiful life and a brighter future :-)
Hugs
Sarah x
You are so beautiful, so strong and such an inspiration.
*hugs* Stay strong my dear Eleanor. Remember after the storm, there will always be a rainbow - it's just whether you see it or now. I'm sure you will come out strong and more beautiful than ever! Keep fighting and remember than I am with you every step of the way!
Much love
Nat xoxo
I am so happy that you are seeking the help that you need. I know that you will be able to recover and stay happy and healthy. I'm thinking of you, and please let me know if you need anything.
Take care, dear!
Thinking about you dear <3 hope everything is going well..
Dana xo
http://happinessiswithin.wordpress.com/
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