Celebrate.

ow. So today was my last day of high school, ever. I said a lot about that in my last post, so I won't repeat myself again (I'm sparing you!) but I will say a bit about my day. Well, last night I was told I had to write a speech for the assembly tomorrow. Initial reaction: WTFOMFGAREYOUSERIOUS!?!!!? WHY DIDNT ANYONE TELL ME AGES AGO!?!?!?!!ajfjalfhfjhf!111
Et cetera, et cetera.
But when it actually got to doing it, it came easily, without fuss. It was heartfelt, it was true, but it came easily. Something I really wasn't expecting. So that was the easy part. Then it came to the morning, when I had to speak. In front of the whole school. Okay, so I've done it before, but I'm always super nervous. And what surprised me more, was that I actually improvised most of it! Yes! I spoke from the heart, without reading words in a monotonous voice from a sheet of paper! Then we got on to shirt signing. Oh, that was fun. Tags all over chests/asses/stomachs, ownages to particular body parts, profanities, jokes, love hearts (so many love hearts...), and it was such an enjoyable experience.

And my favourite, the last one. This is a running joke between me and Sophie Hoyle... Four years long. She's convinced herself I'm gay, haha.

We then went to the pool, where we just chilled and watched people dive from diving boards and throw each other around the water. I am not a water-baby, so I stayed on the land where I felt safe!

Today, people who never talked to each other were talking - enemies, friends, and I-never-even-knew-you-went-to-this-school's were getting along. It was such a positive, happy environment; I wanted it to last forever. It still hasn't really caught up with me, yet. That I'm finished high school. I wish I had made more of my years there. I feel ashamed, but I'm also extremely proud. I've come a long way, I've come out of myself, become myself. I have lost who Eleanor is, but I'm on a quest to find her and shove her back into a body that is nourished, cared for, loved and respected. But above all, accepted. I can't go on hating myself any longer - after seeing how many people love me, how many people care about me and appreciate me, for me; it's made me realize that I should love me too. It's not just other people's job to love me, I have to love myself.
I'm learning to love, learning to live. Learning to be me and no one but me. This year taught me a lot, and today taught me a lot, too.
I only get one chance in life, and I want to make the most of every second of it.

Tomorrow night is the Year 10 Ball. Our graduation, if you will. I'm so excited, but terrified at the same time. I just want to have fun. I want to be me, I want to dance and laugh and smile and be happy. I want to show myself that I it is okay to be happy, it is okay to share my feelings of happiness with others and not hide away in the shadows. I want to be seen, not as "the anorexic", but as the girl who wasn't afraid to let her true colours shine, through the darkest of time.

I want you all to shine, too. I want you all to let your true selves show through and speak up over the masks and lies we've hidden ourselves behind. The real beauty is inside, in our hearts. Let your voice speak, not whisper. Let your heart sing, not scream. Tell the truth, don't lie. Love yourself, don't hate.

Let yourself be, do not pretend.

I love you, all.