Making Memories.

Dear 2009,

So, maybe 2009 wasn't the Two-Thousand-and-Divine I had planned it to be... More like, Two-Thousand-and-I-Wasted-A-Whole-Damn-Year-of-My-Life. But nevertheless, this was a year of my life and I can't take it back.

You have seen me through a year. Each and every single day, for 365 days, you have been there with me, seeing me through. Welcoming me in the morning, saying goodnight when my eyes closed for the final time that day. I want to thank you, for bringing me a new day, 365 of them, to work with and make the most of.

Although I may not have made the most of the year you gave me, I want to concentrate on the positives; because though it may take some time to think of them, they are there, and they are what matter most.

The things you have done, the things you have seen me through, have shaped me into who I am today.

I have done things I never thought I would or could do.
I have seen things I never thought I would see.
I have been places I never thought I would go.
I've met people I never thought I would meet.
I have experienced things I never thought I would experience.
I have learned things I never knew I would learn.
I have faced many challenges, and overcome many challenges.
I have built up confidence and courage though at first I was afraid.
I have gained determination and a fighting spirit.
I have found light in the darkest of places.
I have realized my strength, my potential, my abilities - even though I at first doubted myself.
I have never given up.

Thank you, 2009, for giving me the opportunity to better myself. Thank you, for giving me the chance to discover myself, and thank you for seeing me through my struggles and watching me as I came through. Although I will never see you again, you will be a part of my life.

Thank you, 2009, for the memories.

Love,

Eleanor.

I'll never have a chance at making anything more of 2009 than what I did - I know I do regret a lot of the choices I made this year, but regretting will get me no where, because what is done is done.
I think, even if I had the chance to go back and do things again, make different choices and change the way my future pans out, I wouldn't. I wouldn't do things differently. Although this year has not been a "good" year, not one of my "best" years, it was a year of my life, and it has shaped me into who I am now. I may not be proud of the things that have happened and the way things have turned out, but this is my life; I've made bad choices in the past, but it's my life, I am in control, and there is nothing stopping me from making good choices in the future.

The turning of a new year doesn't symbolise change in any way, other than it will be 2010, instead of 2009. A change of dates doesn't change a person instantaneously. Change comes from within the person, and it is a process, not an automatic transformation. I'm not using the New Year to set goals, New Year's Resolutions. What makes setting goals for the New Year any different to setting goals and working towards achieving them on any other given day? There is no difference.

I set a goal a long time ago, to better myself. I made some wrong choices and decisions, and I wound up with a disease I had no idea about until I was in too deep. But that doesn't mean I have to stay this way. I'm keeping to the goal I set of bettering myself. But bettering myself in a healthy way.
I'm thankful for everything this year brought me, and I look at the New Year, of 2010, as a new chapter, a fresh start. I can't forget the past year, I can't forget the past 16 years of my life and start anew, but I can use my experiences over the past 16 years as motivation.

My goal, my resolution, is this:
I will live my life.

This year brought me a lot of things. But of all the things it brought me, one thing stands out in particular. This year brought me you. And for that, I am truly, inexplicably grateful.

We say goodbye to 2009, but welcome 2010 with arms wide open. I hope that you will all be a part of my 2010, because I could not imagine things being any other way. We'll get through 2010 together, and make the most of every moment.
Our lives are what we make of them.

Happy New Year!

See you next year, my beautiful girls.

 ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Love, love, love.