Expect the unexpected.

I DID IT. I DID IT.

I did the unexpected. I did something that I would normally not even think of doing.
I ate yogurt. Yes, I did.

That probably doesn't sound like much, but it was huge. I'd scared myself out of eating this food for so long now. But it definitely beats drinking Sustagen (a supplement drink) three times a day. 

To be honest, my stomach was doing flips afterwards, but it stayed down, where it belongs. In my tummy.

For some reason, I don't feel bad today. It was actually a pretty good day. Hot, boring, but not... Not good.
I don't know how I'm feeling right now. I ate a monster breakfast that would feed a family of seven for a week and three days, and that yogurt hasn't settled itself completely yet. But I didn't try, not once. I didn't throw a fit at the amount of food I had, not once.
I even gave my dad a kiss on the cheek and said "thank you", after I'd eaten my morning snack.

Something's changing.

Maybe I've realised that fighting with my parents doesn't benefit me in any way - it only leads to tears and hostility. I really don't want this to be hard, and I don't want it to be hard on my parents, either. Especially. I really, really hate seeing them hurt.

Tomorrow's going to be pretty big. I'm going to school for the whole day. I haven't done that for weeks now. I go for a session or two most days, but never all day. I've found part-time easier, but homeschooling does have its drawbacks. Dad and I don't always get along; I think it's because we're so similar. (Eep!)

I have the chance to cheat tomorrow, though. Which is what's scaring me. I could say that I've eaten my sandwich, I could say that I've eaten my morning snack... But I might not necessarily have eaten it. 

I want to prove to ED that I CAN do it, if I really want to. I can ignore him, I can do what's right, and not let his painful words seep their way into my logical frame of mind.
"You don't need to eat that. You had a big breakfast. No one will know... You can just tell them you ate your lunch. You're not missing out on anything."
I get so sick of his voice. It drives me insane, but I think I've done a good job today ignoring him!

I've been blabbing. I'm really full of emotions at the moment, and I don't know what to make of them.

Time to go and do something productive like homework, I think.
I really am freaking out about school...
I need to trust myself.