Her Rain Maker.

It's windy and rainy out at the moment, which is a real change when you compare it to last week's heatwave. The weather has inspired me to post up a poem a true friend of mine wrote for me. He has written two - one of which is called "I Am Her Rain Maker", which is where I got the address of this blog from. Unfortunately, Mum's put the book away the poem was written in so at the moment I don't have it, but I really wanted to share his other poem with you lovelies, because it is truly beautiful.

Time and Time Again.

I see that you struggle through your life, always finding it hard,

I hate it so much, it breaks my damn heart.

I see that you sometimes cry from the inside, leaving almost everyone else oblivious,

From how you feel deep down.

I’ve seen you smile, it’s wonderful but I’m not easily tricked

By your smiles and laughter of joy.

Though your smiles are real, those smiles and laughs, it’s also a disguise hiding from everyone, the hideous truth.

It leaves me feeling so fucking heart sick and distressed,

Deplorable, despairing and so sorrowful. It’s so horrible.

Once, you came to school,

You were walking past a class room

With your face down,

Looking at the ground.

You couldn’t lift it up.

Your eye sight wouldn’t even go past the fucking waste line.

I watched you, I walked up to you and I said to without a second guess.

"Hey, what’s the matter?"

You said nothing,

And drop you dropped your books.

You put your arms around me,

Clenching as though you were going to get pulled away.

We skipped the cliché talk

And went straight to the silent but terrible enigma.

I held you in my arms, knowing that you'd never want me to let go.

There’s no use for words, not in this moment, nah.

This moment’s only for affection and release of any sadness.

But almost every time I feel like I’m only postponing the un-avoidable, inescapable struggle.

I feel as though my fucking heart is bleeding, bleeding for you, and trust me I would gladly bleed for you.

I feel your pain, and I say to myself I have to be strong and outsmart the oncoming hell.

I deal with it, and I say to myself, there’s no turning back.

I’ve undertaken this mission,

This mission to see you through, mission to get you outta the blue.

There’s no room for weakness, no room for defeat,

No room for the faint of heart.

I have to stay strong, not just for my sake but for yours too,

I will not fail again, no. This time I will accomplish all that needs to be done.

Take my hand, I will stay and never leave you,

Take my hand, I will make sure you stay outta the blue.

I’m going to take to take to better place,

And I promise to take that miserable look off of your face.

Sometimes I think to myself,

Why the fuck is she the one who has to deal with this hell,

This torment and agony,

This endless suffering and misery?

It’s like a fucking nightmare.

It’s like Satan had chosen her specifically.

It’s like he had rose up him self

And dragged her tortured soul straight down

To the dark depths of hell

And she can’t escape.

No, the only thing she can do is comfort herself,

Chasing lie after lie about her mind, body and self.

Yeah, now her brains starting to go haywire, starting to fry.

Her brain’s damn near lighting up on fire.

And the only way to release

Is to just let them drops of pain slide down sides of her beautiful cheeks

And cry,

Then try,

And hopefully feel some relief.

Take my hand, and I will stay and never leave you.

Take my hand, I will make sure you stay outta the blue.

I will guide you and keep safe from anything that tries to hurt you.

So...

Now I’m here,

Back again, I’ve done all I can,

Though I think I’ve saved you,

I feel as though your slipping away only to dwell once again.

Though I think I’ve released you,

You seem to always get trapped again trapped in a cage of sorrow.

I try and help like there’s no tomorrow... but then...

It’s like you go fading right into the darkness

And if you do

I will search looking for you.

Ah yes, success! I’ve brought you back,

But wait, yet again it all stops.

I’ve lost you and as I search it comes to an end.

And yeah in the end, just like before... you’re gone, your lost.

Like I said, giving up is not a fucking option I’m here now and forever,

Once more I’m here to take the pressure off you

Yeah I’m here to take pain away.

Battles have been won and lost.

And now it’s time to put a fucking end to this cold war.

It’s time to save you. Save you for good.

I wanna take that frown off of your face,

I wanna take you away to a far away place

Where she can roam free, problem free and stress free.

A new beginning, a fresh start,

Fucking put some ease to my frozen heart.

And hopefully you will be happy,

Lively,

Laughing and holding your head up high,

And keeping a smile on your dial

Being joyful and gleeful,

Blissful. At peace.

Now I watch as you walk, as you run and as you fly,

And if you are to fall

I’ll be the one to guide you back from the haunting life of your past sorrowed days.

So listen closely, I don’t want you ever looking to the ground with your head down.

Instead,

Come to me, I’ll hold you close and I won’t take you into a cliché of a talk.

Instead I'll hold you

There ain't no need for you to be alone.

Just let it out.

I’ll be your healing shoulder,

Just put your head down

And let it go.

I will be the one to take you from this place,

And become the cure for any and all mistakes.

I’m going take you from these confined walls of hell.

Take my hand, and I will stay and never leave you,

Take my hand, I will make sure you stay outta the blue.

Take my hand, hurry, and I will make it all better,

Take my hand and we will be rid of this horrid vendetta.

Now, don’t you think for a second that I wouldn’t relieve you,

Relieve you of your pain by taking it all for myself.

I would gladly take it off of your chest,

In fact I will take it all.

Your pain and suffering, your tears of agony,

Your stress and continuous restrains to happiness.

I’m telling you now, your problems are mine.

I’m breaking the prison chains and blowing the door away.

I need you to run. I will stay back and hold the attack,

Run and keep running, I will be with you soon and don’t you dare look back ,

Just let it go and give it all to me, all I want to see

Is to see you smiling without that pain underneath.

I wanna hear you laugh without a voice that screams to be released.

I wanna see you truly happy with no more affliction and grief.

Hey! Look alive and watch, I am holding my arm out for you.

Take my hand and don’t you dare look back, let’s run

Take my hand hold it tight and hold it strong, we're going to catch flight

Take my hand Eleanor; give all your pain to me.

A new world awaits, drained of despair and filled with prosperity.

Now take my hand, and you will be free.

I love this boy more than words can describe. It moved me to tears, and never ceases to. As soon as I find the book, I will show you I Am Her Rain Maker, because I'm sure you will all appreciate the meaning behind that one, too. I guess it shows just how much Eating Disorders effect not just us, but the ones we love, too. I might post later on tonight, but for now, I hope you girlies got something out of this poem, like I did. It's almost as if he really, really understands what's happening.

 

Love, love, love.