I am having a minor freak out. I'm going to go and get weighed this morning. After a week of being completely control-less with my meals - having my parents deal with ALL of my meals - I'm terrified that I'll have put on a lot of weight. I'm scared to look at the scales at the doctors. I don't want to see a gain, but at the same time, I know I need that gain. I'm not healthy. I am no where near healthy, as much as ED is trying to tell me otherwise.
"You're not unhealthy, Eleanor. They want you to be fat, that's why they took your control away. They're trying to make you fat. You dont need to put on weight. If you have, you're a failure."
"You're not unhealthy, Eleanor. They want you to be fat, that's why they took your control away. They're trying to make you fat. You dont need to put on weight. If you have, you're a failure."
I don't want those thoughts! I know my perception of how I look is completely out. I wish in my heart of hearts that I could see what everyone else sees, and not see what ED makes me see: A big girl.
I am shaking, almost. I'm so nervous.
But I need this.
But I need this.
I'll post later in the day when I'm feeling a little less shaken.
Thank you to all of you beautiful girls, and your support. You truly are all incredible.
Thank you to all of you beautiful girls, and your support. You truly are all incredible.
"My definition of success is total self acceptance. We can obtain all of the material possessions we desire quite easily, however, attempting to change our deepest thoughts and learning to love ourselves is a monumental challenge."
I don't know who quoted this, but it's amazing, and rings true.
I don't know who quoted this, but it's amazing, and rings true.
4 comments:
Don't listen to ED, as hard as it is not to, your parents want what's best for you, which is your health. It's hard to see a gain, believe me I know, but just remember you're gaining health, which is the main thing, and the most important.
You're incredible too, don't you forget it.
:)
<3 Amy
P.S Are you from Australia?? Which state?? :D
good luck lovie! i will be thinking of you...it will be ok..deep breathes. i feel like i wrote this post, i have the SAME thoughts all the time :( but we know as you said in our hearts of hearts, that we must gain, and ED LIES!! he just wants us in his grip. u can do it, i know how scary it is....i had a doctors appointment this morning and i was terrified, i didnt look but i knew i gained, and i just say to myself...."maya its one step closer to happiness and freedom from this monster(ED)"
i believe in you!
love that quote! so great! feel better~!
and imagine yourself at the end of the day smiling with a sigh of relief that u DID IT and are one step closer to being the REAL ELEANOR! :)
xo
maya
Remember that numbers don't define the wonderful, brave, beautiful person that you are! I used to think that everyone was out to make me...fat. But now I realise that that's not how it works. Healthy does not equate to being fat despite what ED says. Hun, you CAN succeed. I know it!!
xx
Ignore the Ed
It's doing this on purpose, trust me, I've been through this and I didn't pile on the weight!
You have to take the good with the bad, you gain weigh - you gain health!
xx
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