I'm really not sure how I'm feeling today. I'm not really "all there". I think I might be coming down with something... The past few days I've been a bit off color. I hope it's nothing major - I can't afford to get sick now!
School today set a few thoughts loose in my head. This day, last year, I was standing up in front of my school, running for position of "School Captain", which is just like a head-girl, I suppose. An ambassador/leader of my school. Today, the same thing happened, but instead of me being up there, there were a new batch of kids, a year younger than me. It brought back memories of last year, when my life really started to go downhill. The running for school captain was extremely stressful, and I had many other commitments, not to mention deadlines to meet. I guess I just worked myself out, and everything got out of hand. I'm still finding it hard to believe that it's been a year. The worst sort of anniversary to 'celebrate'.
I'm rambling at the moment. I don't have a direction to this post, I just need a place to vent the feelings I can't actually understand. My body image issues are still as bad as ever, and I'm still trying to accept that I need to get better. I know I need to, but I'm not sure if I want to. Which in my logical mind I know doesn't make sense. But ED likes to get his say in everything, and is still convincing me I don't need to eat or get better, blah blah blah.
Oh, dear. I'm really not with it, today. I can't think straight, I can't concentrate, I feel like crying. I'm not myself. I don't even know if I ever am myself. I'm lost at the moment.
I'm sorry this is such a negative post. If I feel more "myself" later on tonight then I might post.
Ive been reading through your lovely posts today, and they have inspired me and motivated me, cheered me up, as always. It's amazing, just how motivating you all are. The support I've gotten since starting this blog has blown me away, and I want to send you all my love, because I am so grateful.
I love you, girlies. Never forget that.
Ive been reading through your lovely posts today, and they have inspired me and motivated me, cheered me up, as always. It's amazing, just how motivating you all are. The support I've gotten since starting this blog has blown me away, and I want to send you all my love, because I am so grateful.
I love you, girlies. Never forget that.
Before I go, I just want to leave you with a quote from a book I'm reading at the moment, that really struck a chord with me. Take from it what you will, and I hope it strikes a chord within all of you, too.
"She marveled at the effect hope could have."
Love, love, love.
6 comments:
It's okay to feel sad or down honey. We are only humans after all. There are some days when recovery seems all too difficult, and we just wanna hide back in your shell again. Don't honey. Treat yourself to nice things today + pamper yourself. Bubble math? Paint your nails and etc. You deserve to feel good Eleanor. You really do!!
Btw, don't just marvel at hope, REACHED for it instead :D
When days are tough its hard to push onwards, but keep thinking positive and you will make it though this rough patch. Do something you love, and try not to dwell on your feelings as much, if you head is like a battle ground i say leave it for awhile relax and then come back when you are thinking more straight.
"Difficulties are meant to rouse, not discourage. The human spirit is to grow strong by conflict."
Good luck beautiful, I wish I could be there to vote for you!!
A year, try not to dwell on it - just focus on getting better! Because I know you can do it and I'll support you whenever you need help!
xxx
dont apologise for feeling down my love, we all go through days/weeks when we feel like this. its only natural.
i can relate so much to what you said about the difference between knowing you need to get better, and actually wanting to get better. its a tough one, but remember that with an ED are thoughts and desires are not always rational, so try to listen to logic rather than your emotions.
hope you feel better soon sweetpea <3
xo hannah
dont apologise for feeling down my love, we all go through days/weeks when we feel like this. its only natural.
i can relate so much to what you said about the difference between knowing you need to get better, and actually wanting to get better. its a tough one, but remember that with an ED are thoughts and desires are not always rational, so try to listen to logic rather than your emotions.
hope you feel better soon sweetpea <3
xo hannah
Don't worry hun, feeling a little off is normal. Everyone has their off days. *hugs* Just know that tomorrow will be a better day! And it will be!! x)
xx
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