The First Day

Yes, I should be doing homework. But right now, I just honestly don't have the brain capacity or attention span to do anything apart from wallow.

Today's the first day, where things have changed. Action has been taken.
Action taken away from me, and into the hands of my parents. 

It's been miserable. It feels so abnormal, not getting my breakfast, not getting my snacks. Lunch was just consumed, which I had no control over, either. 

I'm not dealing with this too well. I think my sandwich was saltier than normal, due to a few dozen tears making their way onto my plate.

I know it's only going to get harder.

But I also know, that I am the reason why this has happened, why my parents have been forced to revert to treating me like an infant. Obviously I was cheating, because I wasn't putting on weight.  ED was happy about that. ED felt pleased when he saw the number had dropped. ED made me feel happy about the weightloss.
No, no, no!

Shut up, ED. 

Thanks to you, my parents are doing something they would much rather not do. Thanks to you, I hate them. I don't want to hate them. I can see how much this hurts, I can see how much they want to just make it all better. But they don't know how.

Oh, my thoughts are so irrational. I want my mind back.
And I know the only way I'll get my mind back is if I EAT.  Food is my medicine, like I said before.
 

There's no other way. I'll continue to bitch and complain to no end, no doubt. I can barely put up with myself! The sooner I go along with this without fighting, the sooner it will be over. If only it was that easy.  Things aren't meant to be easy.

But I am worth fighting for.

"Challenge is a dragon with a gift in its mouth. Tame the dragon and the gift is yours."